Here's the deal. YouTube and Google have conspired to link accounts, which is somehow causing me to be unable to sign into my YouTube account, possibly because I am a dumb fuck.
But YouTube and Google have lots of dumb fucks in their customer base.
Which is why they refuse to answer the phone.
Seriously. A woman at Google told me flat out: We don't do any phone support. You have to figure it out online.
I'd tried that. Here's the sort of online advice they offer:
Are you still unable to sign into your YouTube account?
1. Sign into your YouTube account.
2. Go to your Account Settings and go to the Email Options section ....
What in the Joseph Heller?
Look here, my Boots Brethren:
I've done 946 posts at Writing Boots, and all at no charge.
How many times have I asked you for help?
Well this is post 947, and I need your help now.
Sombeody, help me sign into my YouTube account again.
Help me Obis Wan. You're my only hopes.